The One You Need

Makes me want to go home right now and hug my girls...what a gift:

Teaching Your Kids to Fail

Barnabas Piper has an insightful little article on World Magazine's website titled, That's Not Fair?

Here's a quote:

One of my primary responsibilities as a parent is to prepare my children for all of life, not just what I want their life to hold. Of course, I never want my children to fail, but they will fail. I do not want them to experience disappointment, but it is unavoidable. They will not always be winners and will thus be forced to deal with the struggles of losing. If all I have taught them is that they are winners, what have I really prepared them for besides delusions of ease and grandeur?

Winning and losing are a part of life. And so are the accompanying rewards and struggles. Sadly, the contests are often not fair, making those struggles even more poignant. What am I to do as a parent? I cannot stick my head in the sand and my daughters’ along with it.

Winning and losing are real, so I must model being a humble and gracious winner and loser, no matter whether the circumstances are fair or not. My children need a definition of “fair” that motivates them to work hard and develop the gifts God has given them, not one that teaches them to expect praise and prizes at every turn. Most importantly, I must show them and teach them what it means to find value not in victory but in being a reflection of the Creator.

Read the whole thing here.

Never an Interruption

For a bit of the flavor of Tripp's DVD on parenting, here is an article just posted at The Gospel Coalition website. He writes:

You and I must remember that our Lord loves our children more than we ever could, and his commitment to their growth and change is more faithful and persevering than ours could ever be. Because of this, in his grace and love, he will manufacture moments that expose the needy hearts of our children to us. He will faithfully employ the little moments of everyday life to expose to us and our children their need of rescuing and forgiving grace. And he will not do this only at the moments that you feel are appropriate and when you feel most prepared.

Read the rest; if you're a parent, it's well worth your time!

Getting to the Heart of Parenting

Westminster Books is running a great sale this week (runs through 1/18) on Paul Tripp's DVD, Getting to the Heart of Parenting. For this week only, the DVD series (ten 25-minute sessions) is only $14.99, 75% off the regular price.

Michelle and I have watched these and found them to be edifying and challenging.

Family Time

In his book, The Busy Christian's Guide to Busyness, Tim Chester writes:

Often family and church are portrayed as being in tension. No doubt there are times when families need to be alone together. But what are your aspirations for your children? This is where the rubber meets the road.

People speak about putting the kingdom first, but in practice it's often second to their children. "I'd work on that difficult estate," people say, "but it wouldn't be fair on my children." And we all nod wisely as if this is self-evident.

But it's highly questionable. I shocked someone recently by asking them to name one occasion on which Jesus speaks positively about families. Every time Jesus talks about families he sees them as competing for our loyalty to him and his community.

I, too, find this shocking. Can anyone take up Chester on his challenge? Where is one occasion in which Jesus speaks positively about families?

What are the positives and negatives of this quote? Do you find yourself agreeing with Chester, or disagreeing?

Real Lasting Rest

I was really encouraged -- in my parenting of the two little girls God has entrusted to me and in my living with daily trust in Him as a child -- by this blog post from Paul Tripp. The conclusion:

Real rest is found in trusting the Person who is in control of the things you don’t understand.

Child Abuse

Randy Alcorn:

Giving a child whatever he wants is child abuse.

Vacation Reading

Vacation is about some intentional family time, so I decided to make my vacation reading family-oriented as well. If you would pray that some of these truths would sink deeply into my soul and change me for His glory and my family's good, I'd be grateful:

"The Fundamental Task of Parenting"

Michelle and I read this last night in This Momentary Marriage. What a humbling calling it is to raise children (biological or spiritual):

"The most fundamental task of a mother and father is to show God to the children. Children know their parents before they know God. This is a huge responsibility and should cause every parent to be desperate for God-like transformation. The children will have years of exposure to what the universe is like before they know there is a universe. They will experience the kind of authority there is in the universe and the kind of justice there is in the universe and the kind of love there is in the universe before they meet the God of authority and justice and love who created and rules the universe. Children are absorbing from dad his strength and leadership and protection and justice and love; and they are absorbing from mother her care and nurture and warmth and intimacy and justice and love—and, of course, all these overlap.

And all this is happening before the child knows anything about God, but it is profoundly all about God. Will the child be able to recognize God for who he really is in his authority and love and justice because mom and dad have together shown the child what God is like. The chief task of parenting is to know God for who he is in many attributes and then to live in such a way with our children that we help them see and know God. And, of course, that will involve directing them always to the infallible portrait of God in the Bible."

When Your Child is Disobedient...

That never happens to any of us, does it?

Well, for those of you who have to deal with disobedient children (and that includes me!), this might be an encouragement:

10 Things To Remember When Your Child Is Disobedient

Ruth Simons:

Here are 10 Things I had to remind myself today when the job of correcting my children felt especially difficult…

1. You disobey the Lord…and He is the perfect Father.

2. His kindness leads us to repentance.

3. God disciplines those He loves.

4. Your child’s disobedience does not measure your value any more than his obedience showcases your achievement.

5. Your child’s disobedience teaches you dependence on God.

6. And sometimes it’s more than dependence He’s after, it’s complete desperation for Him.

7. Your child is clearly a sinner, and needs to hear the truth of the Gospel, and see it lived out through you.

8. Times of correction serve to remind, or establish within your child, his own sense of need for a Savior.

9. It’s not good behavior you really desire…you want his heart.

10. Your child is a person, not a project.

More Marital (and Parenting) Wisdom

A couple of weeks ago I posted a short quote that offered a powerful reminder about marriage.

Here's another one I read yesterday, this time from Tim Keller:

People want a 'designer life.' But marriage is two broken people having little broken people.

So I guess we shouldn't expect a life of comfort and constant bliss?

The Gospel Song

Recently Halle has been going around the house saying, "Holy God...took my sin!"

I'm not exactly ready to baptize her yet, but it does make me praise God for those who write songs that articulate such profound truths in a way so simple that a child can get it:

Holy God in love became
Perfect man to bear my blame
On the cross he took my sin
By his death I live again

And it makes me pray with more fervency that in the course of time, Halle (and Felicity) would come to truly grasp the glorious wonder of what she's been saying around the house.

Wisdom for Busy Moms

I know there are some moms with young kids who read this blog (and some men with wives who are moms of young children). I came across this blog post yesterday and thought it might be a blessing to the moms. I know from my own wife that it's a challenge to find quiet time with the Lord in the midst of the craziness of caring for young kids. That's what this article addresses.

Holly Elliff, the writer of the post, has earned the right to be heard on this matter I think. Her opening words are:

Let me give you a little peek into my life. I have eight children and two in heaven I never got to meet. My kids are currently 32, 30, 27, 23, 21, 18, 15 and 13. I also take care of my mom who has Alzheimers and have four grandchildren age 2 and under! Although I'm not exactly in your shoes right at this moment, I do know what it feels like and I so understand what "tired" means.

Check out the rest here.

My first purchase at Worship God 09

Last night I picked up the book Big Truths for Young Hearts, by Bruce Ware. I had read some glowing endorsements for the book, and when I saw it here I snatched one up right away. I look forward to using this book with Michelle to train our girls up in the knowledge of the Lord. It looks like an outstanding resource for parents with children of all ages.

The forward of the book is written by Ware's two daughters. And as I read the foreword, I was reminded of the awesome privilege I have in teaching my two daughters about the most important thing in the universe: God. I pray that God would use me to impart both teaching and passion for the greatness of God.

Vacation, #2: Advice shows up in the oddest places (and people)

Halle was a sick little girl last week. She had pink eye in both eyes, and infections in both ears. She had nasty mucus coming out of her nose and eyes, at the same time. She's on an antibiotic now, and seems to getting back to her normal, crazy, self.

But at the lowest pit of her illness, Halle ended up blessing Michelle and me in a huge way. I think it was Wednesday, and Michelle and I were both struggling pretty bad with how this week was playing out. We had serious doubts that we were going to get up to State College for a wedding on Saturday. And we were, quite honestly, none too happy about it. As Halle was sitting in her seat eating a snack, she pointed to the wall and said, 'Daddy, read.'

The frame she pointed to said the following (which I have posted here before):

"Surely if He would not spare His own Son one stroke, one tear, one groan, one sigh, one circumstance of misery, it can never be imagined that ever He should, after this, deny or withold from His people, for whose sakes all this was suffered, any mercies, any comforts, any privilege, spiritual or temporal, which is good for them."

She has pointed to that frame many times, but it had been a couple of months since she had done so. What timing! It was just what I needed to hear. We had thought our vacation was going to be a time of comfort and relaxation, but it wasn't. Yet Halle's pointer finger and sick little voice saying, 'Daddy, read,' was God's way of reminding me that God would not withold ANY comfort from me and Michelle that was good for us. And the rock-solid foundation of this promise was the death of His beloved Son for our sins. If a comfortable vacation is what we had needed, then God would have granted it. He didn't, so obviously it wasn't what was best for us.

So thanks, Halle, for reminding your daddy of some precious truth about our Savior. I hope in the years to come, I'll teach her the very same truth!

A Father's Day Wish

It would be sweet if, when I am dead and gone, my girls were able to write something like this about me.

Barbie and the Spread of Bulimia

The latest edition of Newsweek has a story on Barbie turning 50 years old next month. I wish I could celebrate this 50th anniversary as much as I did the anniversary of Miles Davis' Kind of Blue. But while Kind of Blue seems to me to be a cultural good of great enduring value, I don't think I can say the same for Barbie.

In the article, Eliza Gray writes,

"In her half century of existence, Barbie has become something of a Rorschach test for views about modern feminine identity. Either she's a sunny, self-confident, good-time girl—Doris Day in miniature—or, more commonly, she's the original bimbo, a relic of postwar paternalism that teaches its young owners to worship at the altar of blond hair, peach skin and formidable cleavage atop a waistline the size of a pinkie ring."

Count me in with the latter view. I wonder if the immense popularity of the Paris Hilton's and Britney Spears' of the world is a result of the same kind of corrupt thinking about women and beauty that led to the creation of the Barbie Doll. To what degree has the doll been an instrument in shaping little girls into becoming young women who think they need a certain bra size and waistline in order to be considered 'beautiful'?

It is interesting that some people criticize the Christian faith because of its' alleged oppressive attitude toward women. Beliefs like the headship of a husband over the wife and the distinction of church elder being a position only for men are said to reduce the value and dignity of women. But I cannot imagine anything more degrading to the innate value and dignity of a woman than to tell her that unless she has 'blond hair, peach skin and formidable cleavage atop a waistline the size of a pinkie ring' she is second-class. Yet I fear that the ongoing existence of Barbie is implicitly making such a statement to little girls every day in this nation. Millions of girls are learning to regard themselves as worthless, primarily because they do not look like the Barbie doll that American culture tells them they should. That's oppression, if you ask me.

Is it possible that the cultural product known as the Barbie Doll is being used in our day to spread eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia? I hope I am not over-stating the case; I am not trying to make a blanket condemnation of all parents who have ever bought their little girl a Barbie doll. But as a father of two little girls of my own, I want to take extreme caution and be very sensitive to how the toys my girls play with are used to shape the way they think about themselves. That may mean having no Barbies in the house; it may mean being diligent to remind your children what true beauty consists of, even while they do play with Barbie. That is for the individual parent to wrestle through. But reading this article reminded me that a seemingly innocent doll can make a big impact on the thinking of little girls.

Algebra for Parenting

Those with children in the home might enjoy this post by Taylor Buzzard; it was an encouragement to me. From the conclusion:

"Please, do the math. The math will help you love your children better today. The math will make you take a giant step backwards, away from the difficulties of parenting, to better see the privilege and delight of parenting."

Education on Vocation

Last week Halle asked me to read her a book called When I Grow Up, by P.K. Hallinan. I read a lot of books to her, but I hadn't seen this one before. After one read, I'd have to say it's one of my favorites. It is not a Christian book, but it deals with a very Christian subject: the doctrine of vocation.

Of course the book doesn't use those fancy words, but as I read to Halle, I couldn't help but see the very God-centered theme of vocation running throughout it. Essentially the book's intent seems to be to help kids learn the alphabet, as it begins, 'When I grow up, I know I can be whatever I dream of, from A down to Z.'

In the pages that follow the book covers a wide range of possible jobs, one beginning with each letter of the alphabet. An actor, baker, carpenter, dancer, engineer, etc. While I certainly plan to read many theologically-oriented books in hopes of stirring in her a passion for the supremacy of Christ, I am also eager to read her a book such as this. Because I think the lesson of this book seems to be a lesson lost on many Christians.

We're told that after God made the world and Adam,

"The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it."

Part of Adam and Eve's privilege and responsibility as God's image-bearers was to take the raw materials of God's good creation and mold, fashion and cultivate them to bring out its latent potential. This responsibility was tragically impacted by the Fall, but it was not abandoned. Right after the Fall, we're told in Genesis 3,

"Therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken."

Even after being removed from the Garden, Adam is still called to care for and cultivate the creation. And we see in Genesis 4 that the offspring of Cain are responsible for the formation of cultural products, like musical instruments of bronze and iron.

The point is this: all vocational tracks (excepting, of course, those which promote and glorify sin, like pornography for example) have the potential to glorify God as we exercise our image-bearing responsibilities in bringing order and peace out of the chaos of God's creation. A homemaker (the 'H' vocation in When I Grow Up) who looks at the disaster area which the kids have made of the house, and cleans it thoroughly, is imaging forth the glory of God by creating order out of chaos, the very thing God did in fashioning the creation into something beautiful out of what was without form and void.

As the book comes to a close, Hallinan sums things up by writing, 'Whatever I do, from A down to Z, I'm bound to succeed if I stay true to me.' While this could be a humanistic attitude (I am my own sovereign, all-authoritative god), Christian parents can use these words to show their children that God has made us with certain abilities, talents and desires, and 'staying to true to me' means staying true to what God created us to be.

Whether Halle wants to be a librarian, a musician, a nurse, a scientist a waiter or a veterinarian, I hope to teach her that each (non-sinful) possibility for her career has the capacity to bring God great pleasure and delight as she reflects the image of her Creator. I want her to know that being a good, God-glorifying Christian does not mean that she has to be a missionary to a foreign country or a biblical counselor or director of women's ministry in a church.

Alright, I've gone on long enough! The bottom line: if you have small children, pick up this book and use it to teach your little ones that all work -- not only Christian ministry -- can bring glory to God.